on my twenty-first birthday the dress code will be footie pajamas and we will listen only to kidz bop cds

on my twenty-first birthday everyone will dress up as different versions of britney spears from her various music videos

on my twenty-first birthday every guest will be assigned the name of another guest and they have to bring a food they think their assigned person would bring and then pretend to be them for the entire party

on my twenty-first birthday everyone will dress up as different sandwich toppings and the group will separate into factions of toppings that would go together best and each faction has to choreograph a full dance to one of the top 100 songs from 2009

on my twenty-first birthday the guests will all arrive to a house that is empty except for a girl wearing a wizard robe who tells them that i’ve died but because i was a party fairy there’s still hope and they will have to do various alcohol-related magic rituals and believe really hard in order to bring me back and only when they have brought the party up to a sufficient party level will i pop out of my old tv cabinet

on my twenty-first birthday everyone will wear black and be painted gray and no-one can speak, only silently move their mouths and pantomime and hold up the occasional title card

on my twenty-first birthday everyone will be assigned a note and we will arrange ourselves like a piano and hum simple arrangements of murray gold’s doctor who themes

on my twenty-first birthday the keg will be replaced by non-alcoholic beer and various scientists will mingle and study the placebo effect and at midnight i will reveal that my entire existence has been a social experiment and i will be dragged away by people in labcoats and no-one will ever hear from me again

my twenty-first birthday will be viral marketing for joss whedon’s much ado about nothing

on my twenty-first birthday i will hire actors that look exactly like all of my friends and i, slowly filtering the facsimiles in over the duration of the party to replace the real guests, and i will have a camera set up to take pictures every ten minutes and i will upload them to facebook and tag everyone as though nothing was amiss

on my twenty-first birthday everyone will be assigned a box office hit released in the years 1977 through 1993 and they are allowed to speak only in direct quotes from that movie

on my twenty-first birthday everyone will pretend they’ve never met any of the people in the room before and we will all have to get to know each other from the ground up

on my twenty-first birthday we will pretend that we’re having a normal party but we will actually be trying to drown the darkness inside with intoxicants, hoping that alcohol and marijuana will aid us in our constant desperate clawing for any scrap of real human emotion or connection, spouting secrets as if we are too drunk to forget to stay silent about them but in all honesty using that as an excuse to prick a small hole in the ever-inflating balloon of disconnect and lies we sometimes worry we’re floating away on when we’re standing silently in the shower with the shampoo already rinsed out of our hair and the water growing colder by the moment

on my twenty-first birthday we will all pretend to be fictional older siblings of ourselves and talk to each other about our friendships from the perspective of someone who heard the sleepovers from the next room

on my twenty-first birthday everyone will wear funny hats