Anonymous asked: look out. its time for some anon hate. i bet u better be ready 4 this cause its gonna be a good one. guess what. u smell like sea prunes. oh snap. i bet u couldnt even throw a boomerang w/ur butt if u tried. boom. roasted. vicious anon hate. water tribe
… wow. you know, normally i’d just come back with a short, snappy, witty reply, but frankly, i think this has gone far enough. maybe if i reveal a few personal details, you’ll all back off a little bit.
when i was young, my family lived in a post-apocalyptic dystopia. my dad worked in the sod factory, using the psychic powers he gained from living in a nuclear war zone to coax individual blades of grass to grow, and my mother swept the factory floor. that’s how they met. they were poor, but they got by, until my brothers and i were born. the eldest tried to contribute as much as he could by scraping up the pulsing purple moss that grew on the mountainsides and selling it to the middle-class as reading lights, but the work was treacherous, and on my sixth birthday, he was absorbed by the plant life and made part of the mountain range’s collective hivemind.
stricken with grief, my father slacked at his job and got fired. my mother fell ill from inhaling the sod dirt and was bedridden. we had no CyBucks left at all, and the landlord was banging on our door.
so my father, weeping as he did so, volunteered me for testing down at the splicing plant. i don’t want any of you to judge him for this. i was young, but i’d grown up fast, and i was ready to do my part for the family. there were a lot of memory-erasing drugs involved in the experiments, but one day i sneaked into the office and read my file. the reason i smell like sea prunes is that genetically, i am half sea prune.
the day after i found that out, the king found the hoverboard he’d been casually fixing up in the castle garage destroyed, and immediately blamed the next county. war erupted again. my father’s dying act was to shove me into the time travel machine in town square just as an enormous bomb went off, and that’s how i ended up here.
so. look. i know i smell like sea prunes, and no, i couldn’t throw a boomerang with my butt, because both boomerangs and playing games with your butt were outlawed in my time. but you know what, i’m proud of who i am, and i’m not going to let you drag me down. anyway, that’s all i have to say; thanks for reading.
also, fire nation 4 life, moonfuckah