this is the log of capt. satah of the hmcs eatdic, an extraterrestrial cyborg that crash-landed in a canadian city full of grey rocks twenty-two years ago. their lumpy metal heart pumps only tea, cola, and beer. a stranger on the internet once described them as "lonely, young, trying to get drunk, and way too effeminate to ever get a girl in the next three years"
a house burned down at my grad party you could’ve been the one responsible via time travel
upon reading this i emitted a strangled gasp of pure envy so it is entirely possible this is the moment that spurs me to research time travel capabilities so i can build a machine to go back to do this and we’re at the “beginning” of a time loop
i REALLY want to burn down a house. do you think i could like go to a construction company and be like, “hey, you’re tearing down a house, that’s cool, here is a proposition: i burn it down for free and you clear away the debris for a fraction of the cost and labour”. if i don’t burn down a house before i die i will consider my time on this earth wasted
alternatively, message me if you are interested in some custom cross stitch or embroidery because i have really expensive anxiety medication (like, $150/month expensive) and my dad’s coverage is going to be cut in half in the summer, so i am really needing to save up to keep being healthy and it would be cool if you wanted to help with that/get something really unique out of it
YEAH please do keep kit in mind if you’re in want of anything like this; you’d not only be supporting the health of a cool person but also becoming cooler yourself by owning something SOOO COOL
last night my dad admitted to me that sometimes he sees an e-mail arrive on his computer and reaches for his phone to answer it so people see it’s from mobile and assume he’s out and about and it just makes me so happy to know that even old peeps are usin modern technology to manipulate the facts and make themselves seem less available